When I do something I felt I had to make sure that it is always spot on or It has to be widely accepted by the majority that I’m doing good or simply indirectly showing or wanting approval all the time. There are this insecurities and fear to be rejected. Perfection is only the accepted word that I knew from my early years and it has always been my perception until someone noticed it from me. I felt I am outcasted and people will judge me for who I am and what I am if I am not that person. I have also some sort of paranoia that people are talking behind my back and it’s all negative and criticism against me. My mind never rested. It has always been like these battling in my head but people can’t see that I have too many conflicting issues running deep inside me. Externally, they looked at me as if I’m a just happy ordinary person because I don’t moan or show my inner feelings.
I am definitely not insane. I have no traumatic experiences that would affect my personalities or any mental issues that I know of. Is this depression? But why I am feeling this way? Is this something that I need to be worried about? why I felt I’m afraid to be rejected? Is it because I don’t feel beautiful anymore? Do I have to cover myself with make-up? Do I have to change the way I look? pretend to be somebody that I’m not? Just to be part of the crowd or society. I know I am good in what I’m doing but I am still feeling lost.
I know how to make myself look good and to feel good but something is still not right. Do I need to change my make-up products? my style? my looks?
Please leave me some comments. Is there anybody experiencing the same way? what should I do?
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